29 November 2013 diary

29 November 2013 diary.

Dear everyone in Heaven and earth,

I slept really well last night without a nightmare and without a sad dream. I almost came late to work. I ran and went into the on-time train. I ate the bread I bought yesterday for breakfast, I ate fish for lunch.

Thanks God, work was over that day. I visited the city and bought software ‘Adobe Premiere 12 and Adobe Photoshop Element 12’. I probably use this software to edit my personal videos and special occasions. It was $219 but it’s worthy.

I went to south to drive my car and I had dinner with my friends at Kitchen Inn in Kardinya. Ohhh no, I ate too much so I thought I would have to burn it by exercise.

My friends went to the Christian gathering after that, but I decided not to join them because I did not feel good in the gathering anymore. I felt I don’t belong to them anymore.

I went home tired and I fell asleep. I woke up at 10:30pm feeling a bit happier, I washed my hair and online in Facebook. I browsed my Phantom of the Opera costume photos.

I phoned my mom in Jakarta to discuss my plan to go home to live in Jakarta for a very long time or have a plan of moving to live in Melbourne next year.

My Lord and my God, I am so confused what to do with my life after the 13 November event; I still had the best job at a government office at Department of Health.

My Lord and my God, I wished that I wanted to be reborn again after I died.

I will sleep again as usual and hopefully nothing happens on the next day.

I will pray for everyone including Yongky, Eric, and all my friends.

I love you all.

28 November 2013 diary

28 November 2013 diary.

Dear everyone in Heaven and earth,

I had a sad dream again and it made me wake up at 6:30am, it was half an hour before my alarm clock rang. I was momentarily sad but I forced myself to get up and went to work like a man. At work it was really quiet and I did not do difficult jobs. I ate egg and veggie for lunch and delicious Nacho for dinner at Carousel shopping centre. I bought a bread at Utopia for the next day breakfast. I was looking to buy a Christmas tree but I could not find 1.5 meters fibre optic light Christmas tree.

I only finished off the night in front of computer listening to happy and energetic songs to make myself happy. But I was still not happy. I looked at the time, it was 1:30am and I felt not like going to work on the next day. I just slept anyway after pray to God.

Good night.

27 November 2013 diary

27 November 2013 diary.

Dear everyone in Heaven and earth,

I woke up at 4am because I had a big sad dream. I quickly went into my house’s prayer room and prayed to God the Father. I was very sad and cried a bit. After that I went back to sleep and I slept well without another sad dream.

However on this day I went to work with bad mood, ate lunch with bad mood, went home with bad mood, watered the garden with bad mood, took rest with bad mood, had dinner with bad mood, and finally decided to sleep without bad mood. I already forgot what I ate on this day.

My friends sent me WhatsApp messages which I haven’t replied yet due to my bad mood. I was less bad mood when I tested my website and knew it was working fine.

I pray to God before I slept (all my friends names are in my prayer).

Good night.

26 November 2013 diary

26 November 2013 diary.

Dear everyone in Heaven and earth,

I slept well and did not have a nightmare.
Work was very busy on this day. I ate tuna pasta for my lunch and I had chicken curry rice at Taka for dinner.
I went home after buying a chocolate for Yongky in the city. I uploaded my website to the server and it looked fine but before it finished uploading I decided to drive to Yongky’s house in the evening to give that chocolate him. When I came back home, the upload was totally completed.

I needed to upload the main HTML files and it was done. My website was back online at 00:00 midnight.

I decided to sleep after I pray to God as usual.

Good night.

25 November 2013 diary

25 November 2013 diary.

Dear everyone in Heaven and earth,

I woke up with sadness this morning. I went to work in weakness and felt I did not want to work anymore. All I wanted is to go back in time using a Time Machine so I can save and help everyone who needed help and also I could undo all my mistakes to my friends. I had fried rice for my lunch at work and sushi for my dinner.

I was very relieved when that day’s work was over. At home I uploaded my costume play website but there was a server error that means that day my website would not be available.

I felt like I did not want to sleep but I had to sleep in order to work tomorrow. Before I slept I prayed for everyone including Yongky, Eric, and all my friends.

Good night.

24 November 2013 diary

24 November 2013 diary.

Dear everyone in Heaven and earth,

This is my 2^nd worst Sunday in this year. I tried to forget the 13 Nov 2013 incident. I woke up at 9am because I had a bad dream. I then forced myself to sleep again until 1:30pm. My feeling and my worst memory still left in my head. I tried to forget it by organizing a costume play photos ‘The Phantom of the Opera’.

I had lunch from left-over food from yesterday dinner. It was still nice. Then I continued with organising the photos and finally put into the local website on my computer. I was able to forget the bad feeling when organising the photos but when everything is done the bed feeling came back.

I then went to a church again to do another confession asking for forgiveness. The confession was done and I did what the church father asked me to do. I felt much better. I tried to sleep again but was afraid if the bad feeling came back again. So I went to dinner at Yum Cha house and I ate a big bowl of porridge.

When I came back home, I took shower and finalised the website. The website was finished and it was beautiful. I phoned my mom in Indonesia, she told me to try to forget everything in the past. It was the time to sleep but I did not want to sleep fearing the nightmare would come again. I prayed to God the Father, Yongky, Eric and my other friends were in my words.
Thanks.

23 November 2013 diary

23 November 2013 diary.

Dear everyone in Heaven and earth,

This is my 2^nd worst Saturday in this year. I woke up in the morning because I had a nightmare about her. I guessed I should go to have a haircut as it is a meaning of a new beginning for me. But is it really a new beginning for me if the bad feeling and nightmare still haunted me? I don’t know. God please help me!

I skipped breakfast and went to lunch with Yongky. After lunch, I rushed to Carousel shopping centre to have my hair cut. I went home to wash my hair and wore a new dress. I organised my year 2011 Santa Claus costume photos.

I went to St Mary Cathedral church to do a confession and joined a mass at 6pm. I wanted to eat soft skin crab at a Japanese restaurant in the city but I decided to go back to south and ate at a Chinese restaurant. I ate a bowl of rice and a veggie. I was unable to finish them so I took it home.

When I came back home I prayed the rosary; and after that I finally finished organising my Santa Claus costume photos. I also advanced my game the Legend of Zelda Skyward Sword. After that I phoned my mom in Indonesia to express my sadness, my mom understood.

Finally it was the time to sleep. I did not want to sleep until 3am because I was trying to listen to music that made me happy. I had to sleep with fear of the nightmare again. Before I slept I prayed to God; Yongky and Eric were in my words.

Thanks.

1 January 2013 to 23 November 2013 diary

1 January 2013 to 23 November 2013.

Dear everyone in Heaven and earth,

 

The Mayan doomsday prediction did not come true so I must say Welcome to the Future. I had so many plans for this year including planning to wear more costumes. First of all, I registered a new domain (.com) for my costume play website. Secondly, I came back to my very old hobby which is playing the Tamiya mini 4wd. Erick was the person who tried to bring this fun hobby to Perth. I reopened the box from many years ago and I was surprised that the engine was still running but not at the optimal power. I joined a competition in late January with other racers from Indonesia but I was lost in the competition. The thing I really hated with other racers was they were smoking. I invited Ming to come back to this hobby, at first he was not interested and then he was very interested. I lent my roller coaster circuit to Erick and he used it. I started buying accessories from his house and finally my new fighting cars were rolled out. As a result, I made my room messy.

Not long after this, Chinese New Year came, I celebrated the Chinese New Year by inviting my friend Yongky and all other friends to come and eat raw fish salad. Yongky liked it so much. Few days later we ate again including Yongky. That dinner was the last dinner before I went holiday in Jakarta for 3 weeks.

I spent 3 weeks holiday in Jakarta with my family and close friends. Jakarta celebrated the Chinese New Year because it was a public holiday. I went shopping with my family and went out with my friends. I was driving in Jakarta and I was very nervous. I was very happy to meet my sister and my beloved niece, and her dad. I felt happier when my niece said she wanted to sit next to me at a big family dinner. I also went out for several times with my church friend whom I met her back in year 2010, her name is Petra. She was very nice girl indeed and seemed like her ancestor was a Japanese too. I went out with her almost every week after Sunday church. I also went out with my close friend Leo, Anton, and Andreas as well. I had a chance to meet Andreas’s dad for the final time before he passed away. I also met Iggy’s girlfriend named Nopie. I watched a lot of cinema movies including ’Mama’, ‘A good day to die hard’, ‘Bullets in the Head’, ‘Air Terjun Pengantin 2’, ‘The Tower’, and ‘Jack the Giant Slayers’. The holiday in Jakarta was filled with joy but it was not as happiest as year 2000 holiday in Jakarta.

 

I returned to work in Perth and I was very happy that I got a small pay rise. My friend named Ming imported a huge number of tracks and built a very big circuit at his house. There was a number of competitions, I joined but never won. I joined a Catholic retreat by TOM in March. I really enjoyed it but I did not stay the nights in the retreat place because I really hate those disgusting crawlers.

I asked Yongky to photograph me as Jack Skelington and Jigsaw Killer. I also hired a new photographer named Paabwad to take photos of me wearing Julius Caesar, Hanzo Hattori, Kyo Kusanagi, Captain America, Pete Maverick, Phantom of the Opera, and High Roller Black. He is one of the best photographers I hired.

My birthday finally came on 6 May 2013, I booked a restaurant at Toto and I invited the largest number of friends ever to my birthday party. I thought the dinner was very expensive but it was indeed cheaper. They gave me two games ‘StarCraft Heart of the Swarm’ and ‘Monster Hunter Ultimate 2’. After dinner I decided to purchase the whole 4WD circuit for Ming. It was an extremely expensive to buy even they were not new anymore. Few weeks later I bought the lane change and drag car, they were expensive as well. I also imported 4WD bank approach and slope, the shipping cost was expensive. I would never buy this thing again. I organized a quick competition at my own house, the competition finished successfully but there was complains that people were cheating and did not follow the rules. Therefore from that time to today the rules must be followed and judges were established.

I bought a new digital camera Canon G15 as a birthday present for my brother in Jakarta. I also bought an iPad with Retina Display for my mother on her birthday, I hope with this thing could make my mom happier.

 

I went to Supa Nova in June but I did not dress myself as any character. I was very lucky to get free entry to the exhibition hall. I only bought Luigi costume for myself and a Macross aircraft toy. It was an expensive toy but it looked really cool. I guessed I should not withdraw anymore money on this day.

Finally mid-year came and I started to feel something worry inside me, I felt like something big terrible was going to arrive. All my friends were in good condition even in freezing winter. I guessed it was only my stupid feeling.

 

I was very happy that I once again got a pay rise and this time was the biggest pay rise I ever got. Thank you God.

 

I planned to screen my film again ‘Swan Music Final Melody’ in a big screen, this time I was going to invite all my friends from my church. Therefore I began enhancing the videos with much better sound. I decided to book a big theatre on 7 September 2013 at the same place where I previously showed the film last year. The number of movie goers was very disappointed. The reason was 7 Sept 2013 clashed with Curtin University graduation ceremony.

On 30 September 2013, I suddenly received a message from Tania in Facebook saying: “Deni apa kabar?” meaning Deni how are you. I was very surprised and I was very happy. Her message brightened up my days. We actively replied messages to each other like last year. I was not sure what her true intention behind this, but in my heart I will forgive all her mistakes she did to me.

A month after that on 5 October 2013, I went to watch ICYO Charity Choir ‘Traya’. This was arguably a beautiful concert to watch. At the concert suddenly I felt really bad about something terrible going to happen; it was like someone was going to die. But I fought the feeling and back to normal. Strangely the feeling came again on 13 October 2013 and 17 October 2013, the feeling made me really sick. I had a sore throat and told my supervisor I could not go to work on 21 October 2013. I submitted a medical certificate to my supervisor on the next day I came to work.

The happy time again finally came when I visited Jakarta only for 7 days to attend my brother’s wedding party. I met Nopie’s younger sister named Meifi and Nopie’s friends who were very pretty as well. The wedding party was a big success and so many people came. 7 Days in Jakarta was a very fast time. The thing I don’t like about travelling to Jakarta is the time in the aircraft, the flight was 4 hours and 15 minutes; its boredom would kill me.

When I returned to work, I came to work with my stupid face and with bad mood. Fortunately my manager was still on his long holiday. I could said to myself that I was still a lucky person who was still working until today. Poor Yongky that he stopped working; but I always prayed for him so he would soon get a new and better job. From this day and until the following week, I spent my home time updating the website and played to finish a game The Legend of Zelda Skyward Sword. The game was really good to play. I went to help Yongky installed Windows 8.1 on his home computer at a weekend.

Everything seemed normal from this day until a terrible day happened on 13 November 2013. I did not go to work on 14 November 2013 because I went to Sir Charles Gairdner Hospital, I managed to took photos of the ambulance and the police car. I tried so many times calling Tania to tell something but the calls were not answered. In the evening I finally spoke with Tania phone to phone for the first time ever since September 2012 in Melbourne. I told her what happened and I could hear her sobbing on the phone. I started crying as well when I phoned Yongky at that night.

On the next day I went to work with sad face and in the evening I had sad dinner with Yongky. Yongky tried to relieve me and I was relieved a bit.

On Saturday 16 November 2013 I went to Karrakatta cemetery and crematorium. I phoned Tania about 3pm but Tania was away from home. Her mom answered the phone and I spoke with her mom for the first time. Later in the evening I came to Alin’s housewarming party. Agus cooked so many delicious food, I took home some for my next day lunch.

On 17 November 2013 this was also a very sad day for me. I sent a message to Tania asking if she was still sad and she replied that she was still very sad about this event. That was the last message I received from her. I had to go through this terrible sad day ever. I had lunch from last night take away from Alin’s house. After that in the evening I was invited to Yongky’s birthday dinner party at a Korean restaurant. I ate with sadness too but I was able to smile and laugh. I really cried when I prayed to God at home.

On 18 November 2013 I went to work with great sadness and had to go through a crazy job like madness. Thanks God I finally finished work and I went home to cry in front of God’s statue.

On 19 November 2013 I did not go to work because I felt not like going to work. I was sad and I was angry but there was nothing I could do. I went to a church and I really cried. I had to go through this sad day.

On 20 to 22 November 2013, they were the same sad day and I did not feel better at all. I started having nightmare in my dream every night. On Friday I was not able to finish work at 5pm so I asked my manager to leave early. I left work at 2pm and went straight at St Mary Cathedral Church to release my tears in front of a big statue of Jesus.

I checked my Facebook; I noticed Tania had never replied since Sunday so I assumed that she felt very guilty and ran away to forget her sadness. I really wished she would come back.

In the evening I had to go through this awful feeling. I sent a message via WhatsApp to Yongky that the next day I hoped I would be much better.

That's all.

17 September 2012 to 31 December 2012 diary

Good afternoon to everyone in Heaven and Earth.

It has been a very long time since I haven’t continued writing about my life. This was because my life crushed by multiple sadness and disappointed stories. I was stressful, frustated, and jealous of other’s success. I can only pray to God the father so I can feel calm.

All right, I did not remember everything since the last blog but at least I can tell you what happened just before the year 2013 came.

17 September 2012 to end of year 2012.

This is my first day of work after Melbourne holiday. I still had a very good memory and I could not wait to watch all the videos I recorded. Work was busy but I enjoyed it.

I still communicated with Tania and my new friends in Melbourne via WhatsApp. Tania still replied but she was very busy with her work at McDonald. I told her a funny story at the train station and I made her laugh too. This was the very last message I received from Tania. Tania’s mother came to Melbourne and they would have holiday in Tasmania.

Work finally finished normally and I had to go home with happiness.

At home I quickly uploaded and edit all Melbourne videos on my beloved computer. Rendering MP4 videos was very painful and that was the only way to achieve Full HD videos without making my computer crashed.

Several days later at work, my team at work was given chocolate and I thought they welcomed me back to work from Melbourne holiday.

When I was walking to the city from work, I found a bird was laying on the ground. I thought it was dead but when I touched it using a sheet of paper it woke up but did not fly away. I guessed it was sick so I moved it onto a soil under a tree. It was raining.

Several days later on Friday I visited Curtin Pasar Malam and had some delicious taste of different kind of food. It was raining hard. I went home to organise my next costume play photos to be uploaded to my website.

I still had fun chatting with my Melbourne friends via Whatsapp.

In October 2012 Tania suddenly and without reason unfriended me from her Facebook account. I was very shocked, confused, upset, and felt like the world went upside down. I sent a message to her but did not get reply. I guessed I should forget her. It took 1 week for healing this painful and sad moment until I became normal again.

On 1 December 2012, I bought a new Nintendo system, it was called Wii U. I bought a Basic Edition plus controller and sensor bar. The first game was ZombiU and Tekken Tag Tournament 2. A week later I bought a new Samsung LED TV 32 inch to allow my Wii U to run at its optimal High Definition.

I went to Roy’s wedding holy matrimony on 12 December 2012 (it was known as 12/12/12) on Wednesday. My manager approved my flexi day off on this day. I could feel the happiness too. Yongky was the videographer of this event.

On 21 December 2012 I was not able to sleep and I did not go to work. I went to Carousel shopping centre with my mother. We bought a rock fountain, and turned on for the first time.

On 22 December 2012 I bought New Super Mario Bros U just celebrate a failed Mayan doomsday prediction. On this day forward I started playing ZombiU until finished. ZombiU is a very scary game, it was a very difficult game but I found it easy after I got use to it.

I spent Christmas dinner together with my mother.

I also went to see fireworks midnight 1 January 2013 on a riverside in Burswood near Crown casino with my friends named Yongky.

The year 2012 was over and we greeted year 2013. I really hoped that 2013 will be a good and happy year to us.

Tania Tjokrosoeharto

Tania Tjokrosoeharto is my friend. She was born in Semarang on 29 June 1988. She was currently the girl who went out with me almost every day.

She began friendship with Yoiko on 17 April 2010. She was first introduced to me via Facebook from Yoiko in May 2010, she became friend immediately with Suzuka. It was almost at the same time Keiko had a holiday in Perth for the first time.

I was asked by Yoiko to deliver a blue yukata to her on 23 August 2010 in Waterford. She was very pretty girl the first time I saw her. She shared her house with my other friend named Finley. Sadly the movie show was about to begin and I only had 10 minutes talking at her house. After that we started talking actively on Facebook.

She developed great friendship with Suzuka. Suzuka went to Perth during Christmas time year 2010 and bought her a Japanese koi sandal which was purchased in Osaka. Unfortunately Tania was not in Perth. Two weeks after Suzuka went back to Japan, Keiko came to Perth with her friend named Sayuri and stayed in Perth.

In early March 2011 I suddenly received an sms from Tania asking me to come to her house bringing the koi sandal. It was exactly the same time when a disastrous Japanese tsunami wiped off cities. Suzuka and many people were trapped and isolated by the tsunami but they were all saved at the end.

At her house I met Tania, her elder sister named Devina, her cousin Rian, and Rian’s mother. Strangely, I met Yongky too. Tania was having a problem because her rented car was stolen and the owner pursued her to pay for the lost car. Tania was very sad and I could tell by looking at her shaky eyes. Tania was busy packing her belongings at her house because she wanted to go back for good. Thanks God! After she finished everything she finally sat down one-to-one with me. We talked very much this time while watching the TV about the tsunami. Those koi sandals fit her feet and she was extremely happy. She was very nice and friendly. I started feeling a hearty friendship with her until I forgot the time had passed midnight. It’s time for me to go home in happiness. It was the last meeting with her.

According to information from her friends, Tania went to Sydney to celebrate graduation ceremony. They told me that her friend who accompanied her in the graduation ceremony was very pretty as well, her name is Fibie. Tania had a boyfriend named Erick Haliono. Few days later Maki and her friends came to live in Perth from Japan.

Tania moved to Melbourne in June 2011, it was around the time when I won the Monkey King costume play competition at Supa Nova.

I did not know that Maki developed a good friendship with Tania. Maki borrowed my mobile phone and asked Tania’s number. Maki saved Tania’s number on my mobile phone without me knowing. It was because Maki had just come to Perth so she did not have her new mobile phone yet. Maki wanted to wish Tania’s happy birthday but unable to get thru. This is a very good coincidence. I found Tania’s number few weeks after that but still thinking: was this Tania from Semarang or other Tania?

The relationship between Tania and her boyfriend Erick did not go long. Erick had another girl and dumped Tania in September 2011. This news was told to me by her friends in Sydney/Melbourne. The news warmly welcomed when it reached Japan. Unfortunately I did not decide to go to Melbourne because I am protecting my job in Perth. Tania worked at McDonald from this time.

The friendship between me and her went so quiet between September until 3 May 2012 when she suddenly posted something on my Facebook wall ‘Denikun yuhuuuu’. I was very surprised and happy. From then I started talking with her on the phone. I talked with her very often on the mobile phone until my credit ran out. Sometimes she was very happy talking to me, sometimes she had a bad mood too, and sometimes she felt tired after University. I also chat with her so many times via WhatsApp when I bought my new Samsung Galaxy S3.

After many times of happy conversation, I decided to to Melbourne to meet her. It finally happened on 2 September 2012, she invited me to dinner and she was also agree when I asked her to go out with me to dinner at Crown and went up in Eureka tower. I went out with her almost every day. I was also invited to her University which was RMIT in Brunswick. After so many going out, I finally decided to ask if she wanted to be my girlfriend but unfortunately she said no, she said that I was too fast to ask her about this. She said she needed more time. But I was very happy that at least we could be friends. When the holiday ended, I had to say goodbye that I had to return to Perth.

In October 2012, she suddenly unfriended me in Facebook. I was shocked and confused about this. I sent her messages asking why but she never replied. Suzuka tried to help bringing us together but later she told me to leave her alone for a moment. Two weeks later, Maki told me that she was very sorry about the broken friendship, she said it was all her fault and also said that she was very guilty about this.

The communication between me and Tania faded completely from that time until on 30 September 2013; she suddenly sent me a message in Facebook ‘Deni apa kabar?’ (meaning Deni how are you?). I was not surprised because two weeks before that, Kayako (Keiko’s friend) asked me would I will forgive Tania if she wants to be my friend again. I answered her that I will fully forgive Tania.

I and Tania replied messages to each other like before. The one I did not understand was why Tania did not send a friend request to me in her Facebook? She told her friends that she and me became friends again, but it was unproven until there is a friendship connection in Facebook. Keiko once asked her why there was no friendship between me and her in Facebook, Tania replied that she forgot and would do it. Tania said to her friends that she loved to be my friend again. We continued replying messages.

A scary tragedy happened on 13 November 2013, Tania sent me a message asking for a help to find Maki. After the tragedy finished, I phoned and talked with Tania on the phone for the first ever since last year. Unfortunately I had to tell her sad news and I could hear her sobbing on the phone. I was very sad and the phone conversation was ended.

The last message I received from her was on Sunday 17 November 2013, she said that she was sad about the tragedy.

Written by Deni C.