Dear everyone in Heaven and earth,
This day was another very flat day. It was a day when I had
to go through with closed eyes. I felt like I don’t want to live and I don’t
want to die. I only can wait for what God the Father is planning for me.
I was very afraid to look back and I could feel that someone
was calling my name behind me. I tried to forget everything in the past. At
around lunch time, I got WhatsApp messages from one of my Christian gathering friends;
his message drove me mad and angry. He gave me a bitter lecture which relates
to his faith; but two hours later he called me to apologise so I forgave him
completely. Dear friends and people, I don’t want any lectures about this
anymore. What I really want from people is to pray for me so I can feel much
better.
Work was very busy on this day and the work also drove me
mad too. Thanks God I finally finished work on this day. I ate Sushi for lunch
and Subway for dinner. At home in the evening I had to fight a very fast moving
tarantula which was very hard to get rid of, I was very tired. I decided not to
improve my videos.
I called my dad and I spoke to my brother; finally I talked
with my mom.
After that I started feeling lonely again, I feel a bit bad,
I could not say that I am having an anxiety because I was not afraid of what
would happen next. What I am thinking now is: why am I becoming so worthless like
this. I felt very guilty to everyone including God and many of my friends. Yes
I admitted that I did a very big mistake to everyone.
I decided to open my Facebook to see what has happened, I
only found boring posts from my friends and nothing else. Ooooh wait! How about
messages? Tania has not replied me yet since 17 November 2013. I felt like I
was thrown back to October last year where I finally got the first message from
her a year later that means I will receive a message from her around August
2014. She definitely ran away from the terrible 13 November incident. If I am
waiting for her reply day-by-day then I will definitely die for sure. But I am
telling all of you now that I am going to forgive all her mistakes that she did
to me in the past and I tell you that I promise that.
I will pray to God for everyone including Yongky, Eric, and
my other friends including Tania, Petra, and many friends.
It’s the time for me to sleep so Good Night to all readers.
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